Hello 2023✨
2022 was not always kind to me. I was overwhelmed & often lonely. I grew tired of one-sided friendships & carried shame in my posture. Writing became burdensome & I felt pushed out by academia. I did not take care of my body & it kept the score. I said goodbye to too many loved ones & got lost in grief. My doctor told me I ate too many uncrustables & I cried because, sometimes, it feels like no one understands me. I completed my dissertation research in five months (in a fugue state) & grew confident in my work. I started working with my favorite author & took hella naps.
2022 was not kind to me, yet in every climb up from what I thought was my worst low, there were hands reaching out for me, promising to never leave me behind or give up on me - even when I so desperately wanted to. As I welcome in 2023, I do so with an immeasurable gratitude for those who grabbed my hand & pulled me forward.
Despite much loss and hurt this year, the universe made space for me to heal a mother-daughter wound that, I think, was generations in the making. In my mother’s ams I learned forgiveness & a safety I longed for as a girl. I sunk into my father’s embrace & leaned on him when I needed counsel (& a laugh). I saw my sister for the woman that she is & not who I wished her to be, & in her company I found a deeper friendship.
There are many more loved ones who reached out & helped to pull me forward or hold me as I worked to find my way through. Thank you for every phone call, Zoom writing session, laugh, gossip session, sleepover, & meal that we shared.
As I look toward all this year has to offer, my husband’s hands are the ones I hold tightest. In our relationship, I am enveloped in an endless love that eases my fears and insecurities. Today marks 12 yrs of friendship, love, and adventure together. While 2022 feels like the hardest year of my life, climbing up from my figurative bottom feels possible with my other half by my side.
2022 wasn’t always kind to me, but if I learned anything from these highs & lows, it is that love will pull me through.
