An Unfinished 2021
2021 feels unfinished - a series of days that felt like months and months that lasted days. There’s always more to do, more to fix, and always, more to learn.
A scrapbook of these last twelve (or twenty four) months reveal a messy amalgam of forgotten projects, missteps, and revelations. I stayed inside and did not get to share headphones with my dad while he asked “what you know about this” with each new record scratch. I didn’t get to hold my mother’s hands before life-saving surgeries or fight over takeout orders on Friday nights. Two years have passed since I raided my sister’s closet and longer since I held my grandparents. I never figured out how to not burn custard or how NFT‘s work (and I’m okay with that). My academic to-read-list kept growing but I can’t seem to stop burning through smut in my ebook library. I didn’t log as many hours on the Peloton or keep up with my too-expensive lash serum. Despite months of manifesting, I still don’t have vibranium knees and I’m 238 miles from the nearest Trader Joe’s. I sobbed over second and fourth drafts and missed writing group meetings. I still can’t do a split and have yet to hold hands with @kehlani and that doesn’t sit right with me.
In between these scrapbook pages are bookmarked HelloFresh recipes, TikTok dances I never learned, and wanton kisses. I felt more present without filters and curated snapshots while so much grief riddled our bones. I asked my friends for help despite academia’s urge to keep us isolated and wrote a whole book chapter. My dogs loved me even when I was too lazy go to the dog park and never judged me for giving up on Crash Bandicoot 4 (it’s hard OKAY). I relished hours long FaceTime calls across man-made state lines with my sistren and clutched my chest over deep ass tarot readings. Love enveloped me on the moments I felt isolated.
I took less photos, less shortcuts, and even less bullshit. I stopped watering one-way relationships and over-plucking my eyebrows. I wept when friends became a best-selling author, an Associate Director, and one began her journey as soon-to-be-mother. We moved 2000 miles away and I feverishly tracked #IVYPARK packages. I learned I’ll never be a wine connoisseur and watched beloveds become ancestors. I relished the way my hand was made to perfectly fit my husband’s weathered palm, especially when we were on different hemispheres. I said I was sorry and meant it. I survived when millions did not and I am grateful to be earthside.
2021 will always feel unfinished and perhaps that was the gift all along - more life✨
